I don’t write sad words. I write complex emotions.

Anyone who says I write sad things doesn’t understand what I mean. There are all these thoughts running through my mind and I cant articulate them right.

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My eyes are open but I’m not awake.

(Yeesh I sound edgy lmao)

Music has lost it’s flavor.

My body is heavy and sinks through the cloud.

Apples sting my teeth, and chocolate always tastes burnt.

I don’t feel distraught, I feel like I already was. My head is still cluttered, my muscles tense, and a brick replaces my vocal chords.

And how I drown in your stormy eyes.

How the flowers are jealous of the way you smell.

And how the grass falls to it’s knees when you walk barefoot through a field.

Hallucinations never lie.

Visions.

Drifting around in an empty mind. White space. Black stars. Too much color, black and white. Lifted shadows. Flat spheres, and purple paint.

Bereft.

A strange word that feels so familiar and so alien at the same time.

38.9956 N.

110.7071 W.

I don’t feel comfortable anymore.

It’s fitting that I talk about human nature in a blog with “human interaction” in the domain name. But here I am, stumped. This prompt initially was simple, like duh, its easy to not be a robot. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that we, in a sense are robots. Humans are habitual. We program our brains as we grow up, creating habits, and neural pathways that fire everyday.

Think about it.

When the bell rings we naturally get out of our seats, and follow the similar path we do, day after day. But it can be more complex than just walking. The way we react to certain situations is “robot” like. We train ourselves to react differently to all sorts of scenarios. For example, if a person sees someone being bullied, they may react differently than others. Some might stand up for the victim, some might walk by acting like they didn’t notice, and some might lack the confidence to do something about it.

I think the best way to prove you’re not a robot, is to do something unexpected. And it can be as simple as choosing a new path to walk to class, or more complex like, giving the bully and victim a piece of candy, and telling them to be friends.

When we do new things, our brain is stimulated chemically. It starts firing new neural pathways and that feels good. That’s why adrenaline junkies are real. Our brain loves new things. So if you’re ever feeling down, bored, or restless, do something new.

im·ag·i·na·tion/iˌmajəˈnāSH(ə)n/

‘the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.’

Humans imagination fascinates me. We have an ability to construct, build, and explore anything we want outside of the material world. This can be a very beautiful thing, or a very dangerous thing.

Exploring your mind.

Thoughts and ideas drift throughout our minds like rocks in space, and when you realize that you can pay attention, and tune into these ideas as they pass by you. When an idea passes by you, you have the choice to focus on it, study it, and explore it. Regardless if doing that leads to a decision or not, the very act of entertaining these ideas can tell you a lot about yourself, and a lot about your brain.

Most of my writings won’t make sense. They’re just thoughts and ideas that pass through my mind, and as I write them down, hopefully they will slowly piece together, like a puzzle.

Random, and complex.

Opportunity’s to vocalize these thoughts, rarely arise. But maybe that’s my own fault. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence, a fear of judgement, or an absent desire to open up.

Regardless of the reason, I will write what I want, free of the fear of judgement. And in turn, ideally, free of being judged.

My goal with this, is to better understand my mind, and how it operates, and by doing that I hope you can dive into your own mind and begin to explore your thoughts, feelings, and ideas.